Diary Scribbles 5/3/19

Dear Diary,
Today, Im excited to announce that I have finally successfully organized a major life goal of mine, its a major step forward to completing internal bliss and contentment. It required much more planning,socializing and idea mining than ever imagined . For someone as DIY and Dissociative as me-- I managed to surprise myself ,  sticking to my reigns as uncomfortable as it was at times to be my honest self to  all others. From that I unknowingly built my IDEAL team of supporters and assistants. ME!? Working as a team go getting leader with everyone's best interests first? I mean, I felt it there the whole time, I just couldn't access the code. I can't believe I'm finally here. A sense of validity even while life is much less than perfect. WE'RE FINALLY HERE.  It's a feeling that could be described as the perfect sunrise,the perfect comfort,the perfect temperature and breeze after a perfects night's sleep. Ambitious as it seems I'm confident and proud.  If our first attempt as a team, doesn't go as perfectly as imagined there's only one thing to do. Do it over, and over and over again, remembering to improvise my way to my visions  and doing nothing but creating the perfect life FOR all of us, respecting everyone's individual realities. 

Diary Scribbles 5-1-19

Dear Diary,  
My mind has run blank as I sit and stare upon the blinking cursor. I'm so lost with where to start with the seemingly thousands of task before me. I used to be nearly invincible yet, here I am wallowing in defeat waiting for some magical, glistening door to appear, all dead ends and road blocks pushed aside. Following my heart and intuitive guide has turned to be  quite the rise and fall that I'd never expected. I've learned to practice patience like a saint. I've found myself learning a new sense of calm I'd never known. Just....... Breathing, disconnecting, taking the time to process realities. I'm proud of where I've come to land as a compassionate human being. My goals are still reachable, just, delayed. Though, it seems I have crashed and burned the contrary is true. I'm on a new step of my staircase a new broke version of myself. A draft, with notes,crumpled wrinkled and nothing but improvable- I stand back up humbly with a new inner light and charge once again towards my destiny.